Eighteen hours ago, ready or not 2013 was ushered in. Yesterday and today, I have spent reading some of my most favorite Christian Women’s blog posts, reflecting on my 2012 year. Praying for my 2013 verse while dreaming as well as dreading what this New Year may bring.
In reflecting back on 2012, here is what the year involved:
- Times spent with a Speaking Coach, to complete my bio sheet and begin a speaking ministry
- Seventeen years of prayers that our oldest daughter would not be barren, were answered with me being able to watch as she gave birth to precious twins.
- After years of sitting on the runaway, I walked away from the excuses and fear to take the steps needed to complete my bachelors degree.
- Journeying through five years of desert terrain with our middle daughter battling an eating disorder and unplanned pregnancy, God blessed her with an amazing man who not only loves her enough to ask…”Will You?”… but one who is committed to lead and be known as Daddy to her three year old son.
- God continues to do a new thing in me, which in 2012 one of the requirements was simply for me to step out of my comfort zone to played co-ed softball with our boys and future daughter-in-law. Whoot! Whoot!
- This past year personally and professionally, I have left the land of familiar to face some insecurities, intimidation and much needed personal growth. Some of these passages are to personal to share at this point.
- One of my voyages began when His still small voice asked me to pray for forgiveness of cowardice. Those words began a journey, which to date are still changing who I am into Who He wants me to be.
- With both of my folks sitting at the feet of Jesus for the last 8 and 9 years, God continues to show me Who My Daddy is.
Can I be real here? Even through sharing a few of my take away’s from 2012, within my heart and mind I realize there is much yet to be done! With the unfulfilled personal goals and dreams from this past year, I haven’t been looking forward to 2013. Kind of dreading it actually. There are things being carried into this New Year; a year ago I didn’t believe would be. Dreams I had planned on seeing come to fruition that to date are still just dreams. Then there is the true to life mid-century birthday staring me in the face reminding me that I am getting older while life continues to change.
I can pretend with the best of them. Smile, laugh and act like turning “50”” doesn’t bother me. Talk about fabulous 50 and joining the 50’s club. Yet, in truth this mid century birthday is bothering me. It isn’t the changes in this middle- age body that bother me. God and I worked through those body images issues a couple of years ago and today I know that I am loved, and I am free. My disappointed is in myself. I am not where I had hoped to be spiritually, emotionally or financially at this age! There is much yet to be done in order to fulfill and complete the calling God has on my life.
So, I dug my heels into the ground and determined to ignore the New Year. I didn’t watch any of the celebrations on TV, hunkered down on the computer last evening and was in bed before 11:00 pm. Then God lead me to two different Christian author’s posts. The ones where words are penned from their computers, but pierce your heart.
Sherry Meneley over at Solid Wings encouraged me to flip to side B. To focus on the positive of what did get done in 2012, instead of beating myself up for what didn’t. I like where this is headed.
Then I skipped on over to Ann Voskamp’s A Holy Experience and remembered why I love her writing. I treasure what she writes, because she is so real. And well, so much like me! You see, 2012 was to be my year for dreams to come true. And while God did some amazing things, there were some heartbreaking times and actions left undone. Have I mentioned that I have been dreading this New Year? Until Ann encouraged her readers to “fall forward.”
Ann said, “And in a fallen world, I fall forward into a New Year, and I fall forward into Christ’s safe arms and it is safe to trust. He is safe to trust.”
Right now, I am focusing on the positive God allowed into my life and the blessings He gave our family in 2012. And “falling forward” into my Daddy’s arms, receiving His grace for those things still left undone and trusting Him with the outcome in 2013!
What about you? Care to join me in “falling forward” into Daddy’s arms for the Grace and Love which only comes through Him?
Happy New Year! ~b
Pictorial View of 2012: